A year of CrossFit

Those who know me understand that I’m kind of big on remembering certain dates, times, and moments.  I guess you could say I'm a little sentimental in that I like to think back, remember and document life. So with that being said...November 4^th will mark exactly 1 year of CrossFit for me.

One whole year.

Seriously, folks…I know, I know.  I can't believe it either. I'm thinking about treating my fellow box mates to some sort of 5 star steak dinner downtown, or something nice just for the mere fact that they've put up with me or rather, listened to my craziness for a whole freaking year.

Anyway, it's not that I have commitment issues or anything, in fact I consider myself to be the type of person that when given a plan and direction I'll see things thru until the end. It's just that for me, I honestly never, thought I'd make it past the first few weeks of CrossFit, let alone making it to my one year WOD-iversary. That's what it's called, right? Ha!

We're talking one pretty solid year of CrossFit too. Going consistently anywhere from 3-5 days a week, attending classes in the mornings, or the evenings, or really whenever I could, all while working around my kids very hectic spring, summer, fall, sports schedules.  The way our household runs is that dad does all the baseball stuff (which is a lot considering he coaches/manages multiple teams for our son) and I do all the soccer stuff for our daughter.  We are a family that is spread very thin and we are never, ever home.  However, with that comes the realization that we really only have a few years left of this whole "kid chauffeuring" thing, so we are all about making the best of it for them.

To some, I may make it look easy by how often I am able to fit in a workout, but in reality it's not. It requires much planning, consistency in routine, support from my husband, as well as the need to sometimes MAKE myself just go when it's most convenient.  This past year I think my longest break from the box was something like 11ish days (not completely off of working out) back in September.  It was a break I that I just needed both mentally and physically when things just got really hard for me.

Anyway, over the past year I've gotten a ton of questions from family, friends, strangers about this whole CrossFit thing which is understandable considering how open, probably too open...(helloooo “before” blubber tummy photos above circulating around the web for all the world to see) about my progress.  What can I say? I feel incredibly strong about sharing the ups and downs and just plain realness. I think in a society where we sometimes are always sugar-coating things people need the truth.  I know for me personally it's helpful for me to see or hear that people weren’t always so strong, or always so fit and capable. It’s a reminder of where people come from and that they were once there and they too know what it’s like to struggle.

I should share that a year ago I didn't start CrossFit for the whole point of saying "I'm a badass CrossFitter." Nope. I didn't join because someone told me to. I didn't join because I saw wall balls, deadlifts and power cleans and thought it’d be cool to try. I was never an athlete in high school, or college. I wasn't already strong. I had never even lifted weights seriously or lifted with anything outside of some of those confusing machines at the gym or my pair of adjustable dumbbells at home. I literally had nothing going into this CrossFit thing except for a somewhat decent baseline of endurance. I viewed myself as an average, full-time working, mom and wife...who just wanted more for herself.

I started CrossFit because after almost 2 years of basic running, spinning, and being on the whole fitness/health kick...I wanted a change. I needed a change. I had hit a really crazy plateau of where I was doing all of these endurance type training events and my body was at a standstill, and overtime I believe I essentially just continued to store fat. I'd run for x amount of miles, train for this 5k, 10k, half marathon, constantly fueling with a shitload of carbs. Then I'd go cycle for x amount of miles to train for a triathlon relay...and nothing was truly changing. I'd be out there on roads and trails for hours and hours and I still didn't have the body I thought I was working so hard to achieve. In fact there were times where I'd actually gain weight from so much of the endurance stuff.  I was confused and felt like I needed something more to kick it into another gear. I wanted to get into lifting weights as I knew it was the missing link in my fitness, but I didn’t have the knowledge or motivation to necessarily go at it alone. (My initial experience with a personal trainer did pan out to be a great jumpstart, but I still needed something different.) 

Sure I had watched the CrossFit games on ESPN one afternoon and was inspired. Sure, I watched some YouTube videos, to get a basic (really basic) understanding about what CrossFit was and what it could possibly do for my body...but the bottom line was that I was SO incredibly naive as to what I was going to be walking into. Unlike how it is now, I didn’t have a single soul out there to ask about CrossFit and what it was really all about before going in.  One year ago, I made the initial phone call, walked into it with an open mind, a crapload of nerves, BUT also with a STRONG feeling and desire to want whatever was going to come my way. I was ready and in looking back I think that was *key* for me.

However, to make that initial phone call? To walk into those doors for an assessment...and to then go back for my first real WOD (workout of the day), only to return over and over again for an entire year?

That's major.

I often joke with my friends at the box with saying "Hey, we're back. We made it in again after yesterdays soul crushing WOD." After all, we should be proud of ourselves. Right? I mean this kind of stuff isn't easy nor is it for everyone. I get that.

The thing that still remains is that a year later I'm nowhere near close to the amazing athletes levels with whom I work out next to.  It’s a constant effort to have to put things into perspective for me and for my own personal sanity. I started CrossFit a year ago with people who came in the door at the same time as I did (some even joined long after) and day in and day out, they blow me out of the water. I’m not a big dog. I'm not sure I’ll ever be one, but the bottom line is that: I'm so much better than where I once was.

I've come a long way over the past year, getting my fill of “humble pie”. I've got a never-ending list of things I want to improve upon and just when I think I have something down.  The weight increases again.  That’s where I’m at.  For me it isn’t going to always be about being the best. It’s about the daily grind. The push. The failure. The giving it another try later. The getting into my car and driving away from home to have an hour to do something for myself. It’s about self-improvement. It’s about being kinder to myself and also knowing when to push. It’s about wanting it.

“It”…being the best version of myself.
I started to list my PR's (personal record) but then I realized that most people reading probably wouldn’t really understand a long post filled with lingo and acronyms. Feel free to skip over...

A YEAR AGO…

• Basic body weight ring rows killed me. Then the thick green band for pull-ups killed me…then blue…red…and now I can do unassisted pull-ups (and on a good day I can kip and link them in sets)
• I didn't even know what the hell a clean and jerk was. My max as of a few months ago was 100#. (Months prior it was 85#...75...65...45)
• I was power cleaning with a 45# bar and dying every single time with how hard it felt. My current max is now in the triple digits.
• I had never dead lifted before in my life. Now my max as of last month was 250#. (45# PR from the summer...talk about surreal)
• I was jumping on 2 stacked 35# bumper plates for my box jumps.  Now I'm clearing 20" regularly.
• I couldn't power snatch if my life depended on it.  A month ago, I snatched 72#'s AFTER 30 bastards. For me? That is a huuuuge deal as it seems to be one of the most difficult lifts for me. LOL
• I could never (in all my years of running) run sub 10 minute miles without dying.  About 2 months ago ago I ran my fastest 2 miles in under 18 mins (17:40ish mins) and now on good days I tend to run sub 10 min miles regularly for shorter distances.
• I'd never dream of doing a handstand. Now I can't stop doing them around the house. Open wall? I'm hand standing that bitch. My kids roll their eyes constantly when I challenge them.
• I was back squatting 65# and it was incredibly challenging for me. Today I can squat a little over my body weight and I’m in triple digits for my 20 rep max.
• I couldn't do real pushups. Now I do them regularly for warm ups and workouts.
• I was getting tangled up in the jump rope and having flashbacks of elementary school gym class.  Now I can link double unders like crazy…and when not fatigued they are actually my favorite.
• I was overhead squatting with the 25# skeleton bar, scared out of my mind to put anything overhead. Let's not even talk about my mobility issues. ;) Now it’s completely normal to work on squatting overhead. In fact it’s something I desperately want to improve in.
• I was rocking only the 33# chick bar so hard I was pretty sure it had my name on it for push presses. Now my max is somewhere around 95#.
• Sit ups used to have me gasping for air. These days, 30 in the warm-up is cake and I am able to push thru them pretty fast in a workout
• I could barely get thru kettlebell swings with 15#s...now it's 35# regularly
• I was wearing a 1 piece bathing suit, with a cover-up on top of a cover-up and I never, ever wore shorts or tank tops.  This past summer I wore a 2 piece bathing suit (for the first time in over 10 years), a sundress, shorts, tank tops and never felt more at ease with my body.
• I was soft and flabby and today, I have muscle definition in places I would have never imagined and shockingly I kind of want more.
  

The list could go on...

My point though with what I've shared above isn't that I'm beast (ha!) or to brag because...again, compared to others who started with me and/or after me my #'s aren't really anything special.  It's to share that I feel as though I've come a long way in the past year. Never in my life did I imagine I'd be doing the things I am able to do now...little weight or not. In fact a year later I still can't wrap my head around it. I leave the box and I'm right back to being at my kids games, hitting the grocery store, making dinner for my family, commuting to work. I'm a mom. I'm an average woman. I am nothing special. I made a conscious decision to want more (for myself and my body) and to seek change.  It has forced me to look within and to pull more out myself daily. It forces me to return despite many failed attempts. It humbles me. It’s a release for me.

CrossFit keeps positivity in my life, which to anyone who knows me knows just how important it is. How I spend the limited amount of time I have outside of my family, and who I spend it with means a great deal to me. It's an addiction. It's my go-to for endorphins. It's making me stronger physically and mentally. It makes me appreciate quality and not quantity. I've found something outside of my home life that I'm passionate about which I think is incredibly important for us ladies.



I've also met the most selfless individuals ever. Those who somehow always know just when I need a mental push, when to try for that PR, when to RX and when I need to try something new for confidence booster, and to remind me that I CAN do something even after my mind has shut down.  My coaches deserve a massive award for putting up with me, my (sometimes) nervousness, self-doubt and weaknesses. I walked into the box a year ago, not having any real clue as to just how hard this would all be for me. I've cried in front of them (only once thank you baby Jesus...and I’m still embarrassed about that).  I've been incredibly hard on myself. I've come close to throwing in the towel over failing multiple times. They know my days where I'm on the highest of highs...and the lowest of lows. They know when “Killer J” comes out, and they know when she's still at home on the couch. They've helped me with PR's and in reaching things I never thought imaginable in all of my thirty plus years in life. That's a rare thing my friends. To walk into a place and meet people who have no idea what makes you tick, yet they're invested in your health, success and your belief in yourself. You cannot put a price tag on that. You just can't. It's a selflessness that I'm not even sure they're able to look outside of themselves to see. I am beyond thankful for them. More so than this little blog post can ever really express.


Needless to say, this lifestyle change has impacted me greatly. I have met and developed friendships with people that I look forward to seeing again and again.  There’s also a sense of comfort in taking care of myself and my health that I hope to never lose or worry about years down the road because I’m doing it now.

This past year of CrossFit has been life changing for me and I can’t wait to see where the next year takes me.

No finish line...

Spring 2010 at one of my first 5k's to now, Oct. 2012. 

The journey has been incredible and unlike running a race there really isn't a finish line for me now. Believe and just keep going.  Mistakes will be made. Doubt will fill your mind. Setbacks will happen. You'll want to quit. Just stay the course, commit, readjust, take a short break (if needed) and things will slowly, but surely fall into place for you.

Nov. 4th marks my one year of CrossFit and I've got one hell of a blog post I'm working on.

Stay tuned.

Heavy stuff...

Early last week I decided on a whim that it was time to take somewhat of a "break" from CrossFit.  I hinted around to a few people that my body and mind were both just feeling so "off" and I also felt like certain conversations were also distracting me from the reasons I walk into those doors in the first place.

My focus was shifting and with that shift the weight amounts that were usually okay for me (I’ll never say “easy”) began to feel as though I was lifting a thousand pounds.  I also hadn’t been sleeping very well thanks to my shoulders and the rain (not a good combo) and my mental strength seemed to take a nice little exit. I just felt like things in general were wearing me down and a lot of those things I couldn’t pinpoint 100%.

Then, you go and throw in a really stressful family event as in, losing our beloved 10 year old American Bulldog, and CrossFit becomes even more of something I had to place on the back burner.  Just the mere thought of going in becomes harder.  I honestly, had no idea that losing a pet would send me into such a whirlwind of grief, fear, self doubt, etc., and for those closest to me know that Jamie + grief just don’t mesh well. Never have. As many people already know, I lost my dad very suddenly in the winter of 1995 just a few days before Christmas and it altered my life forever. I don't talk about it much because, well…it brings up grieving all over again for me and I just can't let myself go there. In fact, I’ve managed to suppress my grief so well that at times I almost feel like a magician of some kind. Me? Sad? Nooooo waaaaaay. C’mooooon. Quick! Let me tell you a snarky joke and change the subject to avoid all that heavy emotional stuff. 

That’s me.

Anyway, back to my break. I don't know what it is but I just can't leave it all behind for too long because here I am, craving the soreness, picking up heavy sh*t, sweating, hearing crazy things like, "squat like a bear taking a shit in the woods", "short break!", "get back on the bar"..."it's only training weight!", and the chalk. Man I miss the damn chalk. How weird is that?

In some ways I really can't take that much of a break because I have goals. Very personal goals that have nothing to do with anyone else.  In all the emotional grief I realize that I’ve got to get back to the whole reason I CrossFit and that is that I do it for myself. I go for the challenge. I go in there for change. I do it because I'm crazy. I do it because without it I don't know where to channel certain stresses and although my husband and children reap the benefits of a healthier (and, more sane) mom and wife, I HAVE to remember that I go in there for me.

My journey, my training, my highs, my lows, my progress…NEVER perfection. I may never put up big numbers, I may never compete, I may never love snatching, I may never RX "Grace" or any other crazy WOds...and I have to be okay with those things sometimes.

As a reminder of that I looked in my book that's filled with WODs which contain notes about my journey. Notes that say, "PR’d this", "failed 1 rep", "try again next week", "scared shitless", "What the hell are Sam and LZ thinking", "Almost met pukey on this AMRAP"...Oh and I've also included things like frowny faces and smiley faces b/c sometimes I'm so whipped I don't feel like writing anymore than that. I suspect my book, like my journey is once again unlike anyone else's.

Yet, another reminder. 

I gotta get back to it. I CrossFit for me...for myself. No one else. If I were to compare myself to who I was 10 months ago, I'd say I've come a pretty long damn way. 

Me. My journey. My path. Better than who I once was.

I think the things that were wearing me down, aren't to the point where they can keep me away and that's a good thing. I think grief is okay. I think a break after almost a year of CrossFit is healthy and totally okay. All of these things have enabled me to step back, re-evaluate, and gain some perspective.  The break allows me to miss things and you know what? Absence absolutely make the heart grow fonder.

I hope to be back lifting heavy stuff soon...

I know what it's like...

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” ― Criss Jami

-Post originally written June 23, 2012-

Warning: I got a little choked up letting this all just flow...

Over the past few weeks I’ve been completely overwhelmed by the feedback, FB messages, questions, sweatyhugs emails, etc. from my recent blogs and progress photos that I've shared here and on a popular womens CrossFit FB page. I've been overwhelmed yet at the same time I've had a strong desire and/or need to share "the other side" of things.

I get it though. Some may think it’s great that I put it alllll out there and by ALL, we're talkin' the 'before' photos of a bloated face, arms, tummy, etc. for the world to see.
Others may be just plain old judgmental.
Some people probably think I've over shared.
Some just might not get “it” and you know what? That's okay too. 
Then you've got the others, who want tips or magical secrets. Neither of which I really have. ;)

The point that I want to make behind all of the sharing I've done over the past few months with this journey is that it goes way beyond the progress photos and blog posts. I think at this moment, I want people (mainly women) to know that there’s so much more behind the progress and forward movement that is taking place in my life right now. There’s so much truth and realness behind that August “before” photo I sometimes can't believe it myself.  The fact that I've had so many friends say to me now, “I thought you looked great then” or, “I had no idea you were going thru such a weight battle”…oh and my favorite, “You hid it so well” makes me sort of crazy in a way.

I think it's important to share with you all, that I know what it's like to be that 'before' woman in those old photos. The photos where I was at my highest most uncomfortable weight ever. Those photos hid a lot of emotions that I know a lot of women go through when struggling with their bodies and it's important to share that I understand.
I don’t think many people, including my closest loved ones realized that I had spent quite a few years of my life SO unhappy with myself despite the fact that I'd been living a pretty damn good life.

I don’t think people realize that I didn’t just wake up one day and get fit. It was really a series of small steps that eventually lead me to those great big, brave, giant steps I take just about every single day now.  The truth is that a few years after having my children I felt so lost. It was as though I had been separated from my body.  The one that used to be a lot thinner and active. I wanted to be healthy and fit for so long...ALL while going about it the wrong way.

My truth is out there for so many people to see now and you know what? I know I'm not alone. I know from emails and comments that I am no different than anyone else who may be struggling right now.

- I know what it’s like to lose yourself and the body you once had prior to pregnancies and birthing beautiful children

- I know what it’s like to want to avoid going places and seeing people b/c you’ve put on weight (and for some strange reason, people always felt comfortable enough around me to point it out to me. Now that's crushing ones spirit.)

- I know what it’s like to be laughing on the outside, telling jokes and yet crying on the inside after viewing a video of yourself dancing in front of a room full of people and seeing your body as it truly was

- I know what it’s like to have tried quick fixes, different fad diets, and at times even deprivation

- I know what it's like to not be able to run for even 30 seconds straight or do a single a push-up

- I know what it's like to do cardio (running/cycling) for hours on end and still not understand why the flab won't just go away

- I know what it's like to dread having to go clothes shopping

- I know what it’s like to feel so miserable despite the fact that life around me was pretty damn good

- I know what it’s like to feel too tired to workout or to not have enough time in the day

More importantly...
- I know what it's like to look at others who are "getting it done" and think...how or why not me?

The fact of the matter is I know.  If you are struggling, if you think for one second it can't be done, if you think to yourself...I can't do it. I don't have time. I can't do a push-up. You are SO wrong and I'll say those words right to your face...with love of course.;) 

The direction in which my life is headed is one where I never, ever could've possibly even imagined.  The thing is, I had to wake the hell up, get smart(er), and surround myself with those who are positive, and supportive. I needed to get my mind right and welcome into my life things like hard work, commitment and dedication.  I needed to get myself together for my children, to be a fantastic example of health for them.  I needed to get it together for my marriage, not for my husband, but for me. I had to get to a place where I could be a better, happier, more fulfilled wife because it something we both deserved.

I know what it's like. I was once there and I want you to know that you can change your life too. Find your passion, what drives you. Find exercises that YOU, personally enjoy. Make friends with people who encourage you or even those who will uh, "call you out" when you aren't at your gym (or box ;)), wake up a little earlier everyday if you have to sneak in a workout before work. Take baby steps towards bettering your health and over time the giant ones will come. I promise you they will.

And in reading all that I've shared, don't forget that despite the lbs. that I've shed I too know what it's like...

Choosing to push through...

I think there is something to be said about those who choose to challenge their selves daily.  Yes, daily. Not just once a week, not twice a week...

I’m talking about those who have the ability to dig deep down inside and put in the work given to them...

EVERY.DAMN.DAY.

Putting in the work...
Regardless of the outcome

Regardless of the number of failed attempts
Regardless of what happened the day before
Regardless of how strong they are compared to others

As I hurl myself over the 8 month mark of CrossFit, I’m seeing first hand that as I get stronger, things aren’t necessarily getting easier.  In fact this 8 month mark has become quite reminiscent of month 1.  As the weight increases on my bar, my heart goes back to racing, and the same lifts that I’ve been doing all of these months are once again a huge challenge. 

Over the past 2 weeks I’ve been having more days where I walk in with a certain PR # on my mind, only to find that it wasn’t my day.  More days where “Killer J” decided she'd stay in the car and let Jamie go into the building.  Days where it seems as though I’ve never lifted a bar in my life, and WODs where I've been finishing by the skin of my teeth.

In some ways, I think I'm coming to a crossroads with this journey. One in which I could choose to let the harder, more challenging side of things annihilate me both mentally and physically or I could just push thru again, moving forward, working hard for another breakthrough. 

The thing about it all is that while I am not as strong as others, I am also NOT...a quitter. I’ve worked too hard to leave who I once was just to simply throw in the towel over a couple difficult days. Sure I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about taking a break and perhaps going back to the elliptical. ;) However, those crazy thoughts were short lived after realizing I'm only human.

So with that being said. I'm choosing to continue the daily grind and challenge. There's gotta be something to be said for that right? After all, if I were to stop now, how in the world would I ever get those PR's I want so badly? ;)

I'm far from great, but at least I'm consistent.

2010 all cardio vs. 2012 heavy lifting/CrossFit

"Success isn't always about 'greatness". It's about consistency. Consistent hard work gains success. Greatness will come." - The Rock

~I came across this quote sometime last week, and saved it into my iPhone's notepad as I always do when I see words that inspire or strike home with me. I mean, I have to be honest here. Even, after 7 months of CrossFit, I still have an incredibly long list of weaknesses and things in which I need to work at constantly in order to see or feel improvement.  I'm far from being what most would consider to be a great athlete. Hell, I still grapple with even referring to myself as one.  With that being said, one thing I can at least say that I've been throughout this journey is that I am...consistent

Over the past 2 years I've been pretty good at keeping active and constantly challenging my body, and over time I'm realizing that for me personally, my success with losing 40+ lbs. hasn't really had much to do with my genetics, natural athletic ability (ha!) or talent.  For me, it's really been about consistency.

Remember my last post? The one where I wrote these words:

           "I may not be RX’ing entire WODs but I’m certainly on my way to doing just that."

Well, it happened.  A few weeks after I shared that post I walked into the box on a Tuesday morning ready to hit the Workout of the Day (WOD) when I saw my coach, write my name on the white board for the 11 a.m. class (my fave!) and next to it...two little letters. Those two letters being "RX".  In other words, RX means doing an entire workout that includes a certain amount of heavy weight and movement as prescribed.

After 7 months, (yes SEVEN months!) of consistent CrossFit I was able to hang with the big dogs for the 12ish minute workout . Ha! In fact, I think I had the biggest, cheesiest grin, the entire workout even with buckets of sweat pouring from my body.  In hindsight, what do I believe enabled me to get there? Consistency and hard work. Sure it might've taken me longer than others to RX a WOD, but that's okay. (TBH - I didn't think I'd RX a workout until 2013! ;)) I have to constantly remind myself that this is my journey.  It's one that depends solely on myself to show up and follow through with maintaining one thing that I always have the ability to be and that is...consistent.

The decision I make almost everyday to get up early, or to fit in time in between family obligations, work, and kids activities (even showing up to my kids games in running shoes and a ball cap to hide my sweaty hair) is something I do on my own for myself.  That's not to say that there aren't days that it feels like a battle to get to the box or to go out for a little run. ;)

I'm sharing this post, not to come off as though I'm living some kind of special, awesome, easy life, b/c believe me, my life has been far from that. I'm sharing this because I know there are ladies (and gents) out there who battle with themselves and their families to find a routine that works for their busy lives.

In getting started, remind yourself that you don't have to be great right away. You just have to stick with something, be consistent, sweat (more than once a week)...and in keeping up with those things you might be amazed by the results and achievements that can come out of it.

Seven months later, here I am...still on this crazy CrossFit journey. I'm far from great, but at least I'm consistent. ;)

Keep moving foward...always. [Repeat as needed]

Keep moving forward...always. [Repeat as needed]

The day before my thirty-something birthday (cinco de mayo) marked exactly 6 months of CrossFit.  We’re talking a consistent 6 months.  Consistent to the point where I went into the box only 2-3 x’s a week to wanting more, and going 4-5 days a week. Out of those 6 months I only missed a week in which I took a break and rested my back.  I hated that week, and I know my family did too. ;)

I did something this morning though.  Something I haven’t done since I began CrossFit. I brought my CrossFit book (the one where I log all of my workouts of the day (WODs)) in with me to the office and I sat down, coffee in hand, and looked back at every single WOD I’ve done from the beginning of November until my most recent one which was last night.

While looking back thru certain WODs I could almost remember the first time I had to do thrusters (which was uh, unforgettable by the way) and how I felt along with the high five's I received after I pulled my very first 100# dead lift.  I remembered going from ring rows to assisted pull-ups with the green band…and after an evening of help from my coach, the blue band and now warming up with the red.  That’s a big deal my friends. ;)

Keep moving forward...always.

I also remembered the WODs where I literally didn’t think I’d make it through, and the ones where I wanted to just throw the effing towel in, and run to my car in hopes that no one would notice me missing. 

I wholeheartedly admit the first month of CrossFit was incredibly difficult for me, but in that same respect I know now that I was a big part of the reason it was so difficult.  I needed to remind myself that I was there, showing up, and that I was doing things I’d never done before in my entire life.  Sure I could run for miles and miles, but lifting, in this kind of way? Completely new.  Here I was, being humbled over and over again.  I questioned myself, my abilities and whether or not I was cut out for this kind of stuff.  There were also numerous conversations held just outside in the parking lot after those first few weeks that may or may not have been tear filled.  Yep, I said...tear filled.

Silly right? To some maybe, but to me? Not so much. Why?  Because I actually give a shit.  Seriously, as harsh as that sounds to some, it really is just that simple. Over the past 6 months I have found that I am growing and evolving into a person who cares about everything single thing I do.  I have a purpose now for going back to the box everyday, and I care about improvement and forward movement in my life. Point blank period. I care. I want it. I want to improve and I want to continually get better, and you know what?

I am.

In looking at my book I’m seeing a gradual, slow yet steady, improvement week after week. I’m building myself back to where I was before that week I had to take off in March and my #’s are improving all the while the movements and lifts I am doing are getting more difficult and challenging.

I see it now. I see it because I’ve documented it, and it’s all there in black and white. Thank God I’ve documented it too.  I’m seeing that in December I was jumping on 3 bumper plates and now I’m actually jumping the 20” box. I’m seeing that in January I was dead lifting in the actual WODs 65# & 70#’s and just last week my coach gave me 5 rounds of 115# to do. :) I’m seeing that just last month I was doing thrusters at 53# and just a week ago I did 30 reps at 65# in the WOD.  I’m seeing my 1 rep maxes improve in a weeks time. I see that while in one week I may struggle like hell, in the next I am also PR’ing.  And you know what else? I’m seeing my body change in ways I never imagined. Even better is that all those post WOD tearful conversations in the parking lot have diminished.

I have to remind myself often that 6 months ago I was heavier, weaker (mentally and physically) and that while compared to many who I WOD next to, my progress is fairly slow…the point is, I’m still moving forward.  I may not be RX’ing entire WODs but I’m certainly on my way to doing just that.  More time, more work, and more commitment.

Keep moving forward…always. It's pretty much my life's motto now. 

I’m embracing my own pace, my own steadiness, and every single piece of advice that is thrown my way.  Not sure if people see it, but even through all of the joking and making light of my abilities, I am a sponge, soaking in every single tip, push, and word of encouragement.  I can honestly say that I love CrossFit, the people who surround me, and the challenges I face every time I walk into that box.  I can’t wait to see what the next 6 months bring.

Keep moving forward...always.  [Repeat as needed]